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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23438692">THE CASE OF THE OVERRIPE PINEAPPLE WITH A KEY HIDDEN IN IT: A Nepeta / Samuels Detective Adventure</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsrose/pseuds/itsrose'>itsrose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 05:35:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>877</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23438692</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsrose/pseuds/itsrose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They've done it again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>THE CASE OF THE OVERRIPE PINEAPPLE WITH A KEY HIDDEN IN IT: A Nepeta / Samuels Detective Adventure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/gifts">itsdave</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please read the last volume of Pesterquest instead of this, if you have to choose.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
	<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Let's get going!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Woof! Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: What?</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: RUFF BAARK!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: No way, I don't do that roleplaying stuff anymore!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: And I can't use my old typing quirk while talking anyway, silly!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: From now on I am devoting 100 perfect of my energy on proper grammar and detecting!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: *Dons detective's fedora*</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: LET'S HIT IT BYETCH</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: RUFFA RUFFA!</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog">NEPETA AND SAMUELS LEAP INTO THE CAMARO AND PEEL OUT OF THE PARKING LOT</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: You can say that again, Samuels!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Haha ok</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog">NEPETA CRANKS THE WHEEL HARD TO THE RIGHT, NARROWLY SCRAPING BY A BOAT!! IN THE ROAD!! BECAUSE THESE STORIES ARE RANDOM LOL</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Okay, Samuels, now that we've parked the car, we can break in and arrest the perp! That's the one who did the crime!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Okay</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: LET'S DO IT!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Hey it's the police, open up!</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: hello i am john egbert come to see what you are here for</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: hello</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: HELLO!</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: :)</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: :(</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: woof</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Samuels I'm so tired</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: I'm so tired and sleepy.</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Can you cuff him and drive us home (the police station)?</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog">SAMUELS CUFFS JOHN WITH THE HANDFUCKS AND CARRIES HIM TO THE POLICE CAR WHERE HE IS CHUCKED IN THE BACKSEAT.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="john">JOHN: oh i like being in the backseat of the car</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: i like thinking of backseats of cars because of terezi and what we done</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: YOU'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME AND BACK SEATS OF CARS AND TEREZI THOUGHTS TO THINK ABOUT TEREZI WHERE YOU'RE GOING, PAL, IDIOT!</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: :)</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: THE SLAMMER (PRISON)!</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: :(</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Okay</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog">THE CAR PULLS INTO THE POLICE STATION PARKING LOT. NEPETA GETS OUT AND TAKES A LONG DRAG ON HER CIGARETTE SHE'S SMOKING. A WINDOW ON THE SECOND STORY SLIDES OPEN AND A FAMILIAR HEAD POPS OUT, I THINK YOU KNOW WHO HE IS...</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GET IN HERE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GET THE FUCK IN HERE YOU NEED TO COME IN</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I NEED YOU TO BRING IN THE SUSPECT WHO DID IT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GET UP HERE PLEASE GET UP HERE COME ON</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NEPETA AND SAMUELS MY BEST DETECTIVES I NEED YOU TO COME INSIDE WITH JOHN</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: COME INSIDE PLEASE GET UP HERE COME INSIDE BRING HIM IN</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE NEEDS TO BE HERE IN HERE AND WE'LL QUESTION HIM YOU SEE!!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OKAY I'LL CLOSE THE WINDOW BUT YOU HAD BETTER BRING HIM UP I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS A TIME MACHINE POLICE STATION THAT LETS YOU TAKE ALL DAY TO GET JOHN UP HERE SO WE CAN ASK HIM QUESTIONS PROVING HE DID IT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DO YOU THINK THAT'S THE KIND OF POLICE STATION THIS IS? BECAUSE I'M SORRY TO SAY YOU'RE SORELY MISTAKEN.</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: YEAH, WE'LL BE UP WITH JOHN MOMENTARILY!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: He's so cute.</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Isn't he cute, Samuels?</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Haha don't get any FUCKING ideas, Samuels!!</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog">THEY ALL GO IN TOGETHER AND INTO KARKAT'S OFFICE. HE IS SLAMMING HIS OPEN PALM ONTO THE DESK REPEATEDLY AS HARD AS HE CAN. IT SEEMS HE HAS BEEN DOING THIS FOR SEVERAL MINUTES AND THERE IS NO INDICATION HE WILL STOP ANYTIME SOON.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Hello</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HELLO! GOOD JOB CATCHING HIM!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GREAT WORK NEPETA AND SAMUELS DETECTIVE ADVENTURES. YOU'RE ON THE FAST TRACK TO BEING PROMOTED TO *OTHER* POLICE CHIEF KARKAT!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND YOU, YOU BIG CRIME SICKO!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: crime is bad and i didnt do it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOPE I'M PRETTY SURE YOU HAVE TO SAY, "I LOVE DOING CRIME I AM BAD AND JOHN!!"</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: "I DEFINITELY DID IT, I AM JOHN AND NOT SORRY."</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: "IN FACT I-"</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOLY SHIT SAMUELS YOU DON'T NEED THAT IN HERE.</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Samuels!! Put the gun away!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: What!? Samuels!! Put it away!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: We've already got him!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OFFICER SAMUELS I ORDER YOU TO PUT AWAY THE GUN! POLICE CHIEFS CAN GIVE ORDERS, RIGHT?</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Samuels!!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Oh my God Samuels why are you pointing that at police chief Karkat Vantas the troll!!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: What?? Samuels the stress of the job is getting to you! I just knew you shouldn't have taken this one last case (even though we're still gonna have a ton of adventures together)!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Woof!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: That's insane!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DEFINITELY DIDN'T!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: BARK</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: SAMUELS NO PUT IT DOWN</span><br/>
<span class="john">JOHN: woah</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: AAHH SAMUELS PUT IT DOWN</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: BARK!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OKAY AAAAAAHHHH</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OOOOOOH WAAAAA</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">KEPETA: SAMUELDS!!! THE GUN PUT!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SMAUELS: BARK BARK</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">KENTETA: THE GUN DOWN!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AAAAAAAA</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: WWWAAAA</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: OOOOOOOO WAAA</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog">BLAM!</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK SHITASS</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Oh my god you shot police commissioner Karkat Vantas, thus proving that he actually did it!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT'S TRUE!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DID IT!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT WAS ME THE WHOLE TIME, THE PERSON THAT HAD DONE IT, FROM THE START!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS: Bark!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Wow!!!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: You're going away for a long time, for the pineapple key crime!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARAKAT: NOOOOOOOOOOOO</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMEULS: Bark!</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog">LATER...</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Another crime well solved, Samuels!</span><br/>
<span class="jade">SAMUELS! : BARK!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: Haha, I think it will, Samuels!</span><br/>
<span class="nepeta">NEPETA: I think it will.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog">THE END.</span><br/>
</p>
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